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Anonymous asked: I have no idea what to do.. Can you give me some advice? I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year and today is the day my mom found out about him. Not the way I wanted to tell her, but she's racist about my boyfriend's race. She started hysterically crying when she saw me, my sister tried to fend for me, but she wouldn't budge. My mom's stubborn and I can't persuade her to see the way I see it. What do you think I should do?

This sounds like a sticky situation. :/

I can see how you’d feel the need to please your mom, but it sounds like you have reached a point in your life where you have to decide what is a priority for you, pleasing your parents or pleasing yourself. 

If it were me I’d worry about myself. Your parents don’t always know what is best. Especially because your mom is being very narrow minded about this whole situation, basing her feelings solely on your boyfriend’s race. It would be different if she did not like him because she gets bad vibes from him or she thinks he treats you badly or something, but obviously, race is not something you should judge a person by. 

Whether your mom’s opposition of you dating someone of a different ethnicity is a cultural thing, or just her being old-fashioned, it’s not justified either way. This is 2013 and you’re living in America. Race should be the last thing on people’s minds. She’s making this unfair for you and for him.

If you’ve done everything you can to try to change her mind and you’ve shown her that he’s good to you, then there is nothing else you can really do. Often times when people make up their minds about something so superficial as this, logic and rational thinking doesn’t work on them because they’re stubborn in their close mindedness. 

If it were me, I’d continue to date him and try to ignore my mom’s opinions. You don’t owe her anything and honestly, you’d be letting her get away with being racist if you took her advice. And no one should be able to get away with that. Of course, you may not be able to say everything you want to her in order to avoid causing a major rift in y’all’s relationship, but I guess just say enough to make her understand that she is being unjust and that you will not live your life the same way. 

I feel like if you don’t put your foot down about this now, she will continue to dictate this aspect of your life for the rest of your life. She is going to have to get over this eventually so she might as well do it now. 

Sorry if that became a rant rather than advice… 

Good luck!